"I feel so much more in my strength!" She exclaimed with joy.
S-H-E beamed with happiness for her. Understanding the wisdom the past experience had brought into her being.
"We often feel a lack of confidence or a lack of inner strength when it comes to stepping up and out into the world. Especially if we tend to be on the shy more introverted spectrum." She continued.
"And what is your understanding now?" S-H-E asked knowingly.
"Well," she said, "the very act of stepping up and out is strengthening and confidence building. The thing we fear is the thing that empowers us the most if we face it!"
"Exactly!" S-H-E exclaimed. "Let go of the insecurities. Or simply put them to one side. For on the other side of these, your power and strength exists. The nature of duality is thus - by experiencing the one, you know the other. However, by staying attached to only the one, prevents one from fully experiencing the other. Both have to be experienced on all levels, not just known or understood on a mental level, for true wisdom to occur."
"It's so simple!" She laughed, "Yet we hang on to our insecurities as if our lives depend on them!"
"Humans are learning quicker now." S-H-E points out. "As each of you reach your own unique levels of awareness, so does the path for others to experience their own, open up even more."
"Life truly is incredible!" She exclaimed with joy.
S-H-E smiled lovingly, "It most definitely is!"
- Kim Dreyer
Artwork from my Conscious Spirit Oracle Deck
"Some things are really difficult to let go of, even though they cause discomfort or pain." She commented. "Even when one acknowledges the need to change - one resists it."
"Yes," S-H-E answered with great compassion. "The familiar comfort of known discomfort is sometimes more bearable than the unfamiliar discomfort of unknown comfort."
She smiled and nodded in agreement from personal experience.
"When experiences that causes you pain or suffering are constantly repeating in your life, they are offering you an opportunity to choose a new way. The pain and suffering is reminding you that by choosing to continue in the same way, making the same choices, you will remain in the cycle of pain and suffering." S-H-E continued. "Often the perceived safety of the familiar feels less threatening than change. However, it's important to understand that clinging to the old painful ways simply instils within one an even greater fear of change. And the longer you cling on, the more fearful you'll become of change. And the more fearful you become, the harder it becomes to let go. AND that fear attracts more of that which causes suffering."
"People are often also fearful of isolation, if they make big changes in their lives." She said.
"That can happen. And usually it is temporary. But clinging to the pain and suffering can also isolate you from family and friends too." S-H-E answered. "When change beckons, you step on the precipice alone. Only you can do it! For it is only through trusting the Self, that your step into the unknown will be aligned to your highest good. You may or may not have family and friends who support you in your new choices. Irrespective of this, that leap of trust is yours alone to take. YOU have to want it heart and soul! And what often happens is that when you make those changes, you begin to forge deeper and more meaningful relationships with family and friends. Once others feel the shift in your energy, they feel attracted to your new and more vibrant energy. For as you let go of the pain and suffering, your energy body becomes lighter and you attract others whose energy is also lighter."
"Like attracts like. Or should I say - light attracts light." She smiles.
S-H-E smiles lovingly back. "So true. Such a powerful motivation to make the necessary changes in ones life!"
- Kim Dreyer
Artwork from my Conscious Spirit Oracle Deck
"Our last discussion has inspired so much insight!" she exclaimed happily. "I can see now that it's more important to live a purposeful life than to live a life following a specific purpose. We need to 'live 'on purpose', don't we?"
"That's exactly what our discussions are meant to do." S-H-E smiled knowingly. "And yes, it's exactly that! Living on purpose is when everything you do is meaningful. And not necessarily meaningful to others, but to you! For as you live your life with pure intention and deep meaning, you will affect not only yourself but all those whose lives you touch in a beneficial way. What is meaningful to you will also be meaningful to others in some way or another. Humans are so goal driven and finding your purpose often becomes the spiritual equivalent of goal chasing."
"So are you saying we should let go of the need to define and know our destination, not be concerned about our purpose?" she asked.
"Yes!" S-H-E replied, "This Earthly life is all about the experience - the journey or adventure. Not a journey with a start and an end, but a journey of discovery and participation. Focussing on the destination usually only succeeds in distracting one from the present and prevents one from fully experiencing the journey in each moment. And if one does have the need to set a goal - don't be so fixated on the end goal, but rather, allow the journey to shift and shape the goal into something greater than you had ever imagined. "
"When we're only focussed on the end goal, that's when we behave like automatons, isn't it." she observed.
"Precisely." S-H-E answered. "The destination is never fixed in stone. In fact, when it is, one is simply on automatic pilot. Then when a more beneficial 'route' appears, one ignores it because it's not in the 'program' one has set one's automatic pilot to. You have to keep that automatic switch off and allow yourself to experience the journey - every part of it. With all it's surprises, vistas, scenic routes, wonders and miracles as well as it's stops, detours, traffic jams and breakdowns. For then you will truly experience life as you're meant to. Fully engaged and aware - participant and co-creator. And life will be filled with meaning and purpose!"
"This life really is magnificent!" she stated, "What a joy and privilege to participate and co-create within it!"
- Kim Dreyer
Artwork from my Visions of the Soul Meditation and Portal Deck
"So many people I speak to seem lost or are searching for something." she said. "Even myself at times. One moment I feel content and on the right path, and then I feel there is something just outside of my grasp that I'm not quite touching on yet. It seems as if our human condition is constantly shrouded by a deep searching for that something. Yet we don't always know what it is we are truly searching for. So we hunt the internet, read books, attend courses and have discussions with like-minded people, hoping we'll find the answers there."
"The act of searching in itself is not the problem. It's how you search that either creates a void or a sense of meaning. When an individual is focused on outward searching, that is when a greater sense of loss and hopelessness sets in. Blindly attending every course, reading every book, believing everyone's ideas usually creates more confusion than anything else. Discernment, through intuition, is the key. When do you feel closer to finding what you seek?" S-H-E asked.
She didn't need to give the answer much thought, "Mostly when I'm doing what I call 'Soul Searching.'" she replied. "Though occasionally when something I've read or heard strikes some kind of an accord with me. Which then stimulates a new thought or understanding from within. But it always seems to come back to what's within."
"Exactly" S-H-E answered. "That something you seek is meaning or purpose to your life. And that can only be found within. Your senses are tuned to this inner wisdom, but one often dulls these senses from too much external stimulation. Knowledge in the form of books, courses and discussions can nudge you in a direction of Self seeking which you perhaps would not have otherwise come up with by yourself. However, these are simply direction pointers, and can be confusing, unless you constantly check within to determine your own choices and see whether these pointers are guiding you towards or away from the path of your highest good. It's like being lost on a narrow path in a dense forest and coming to a fork in the path you're walking on. Both paths, to the left and to the right, look exactly the same and you cannot see the end of the paths. What do you rely upon to chose the direction you'll take?"
"I'd choose the one that feels right." she answered.
"Good!" S-H-E said. "As long as one applies that method of choice to your search for meaning in your life, it won't lead you astray."
"You're absolutely right as always", she smiled lovingly, "Every time I make a decision based on what intuitively feels right for me, things flow into place and I feel I'm moving in the right direction in my life. However, if at times I doubt myself, and stop listening to my inner voice and listen to other's opinions or over-think things, I seem make choices that take me in the wrong direction. In fact it seems then as if I'm going backwards. But the more I practice following my own guidance, these times of 'going backwards' seem to be happening less and less."
"When you trust yourself, your inner voice, your inner guide you're on the unique path that is yours and no-one else's. Everyone needs to find their own path in order to find meaning in their lives. It's as simple, yet as complex as that. Don't doubt yourself. No matter what others say or think."
- Kim Dreyer
Artwork from my Visions of the Soul Meditation and Portal Deck
"The more I understand on a Soul/Heart level the more I understand how little I understand." she stated.
"That's wonderful!" S-H-E replied with joy. "You're getting towards the point where you'll understand that it's not about holding onto an understanding at all! Understanding can be a human constraint as well as a gift."
"I'm slowly catching glimpses of that." she answered. "The need for finite understanding is holding us back, isn't it?"
"In many ways, especially the metaphysical, it definitely is." S-H-E said with kindness. "But don't be hard on yourself or begin judging yourself now. It's all about stages - stages of letting go. Once you gain an understanding of something on a mental level and then move it up to a Soul level, you'll see it's simply another human construct. If you cling to that understanding, you'll become stuck again. If you release it and open to deeper wisdom each time and then release that again and open …… you get the picture, I see." S-H-E smiled, "….then you open yourself to further wisdom."
"Yes!" She exclaimed. "It's not about seeking and understanding and then holding on to that, but using it as a step to broader understanding, each time opening the mind to greater possibilities. As soon as we hold on, we restrict the flow of greater wisdom."
"Exactly. It's about a gradual flow of wisdom." S-H-E stated. "At present, the human mind learns in gradations. If it had to suddenly know all, it wouldn't cope with the information. It would most likely discard it as madness. But holding on to a specific idea, that is madness too. There's also a very fine line between wisdom and belief. What one thinks is wisdom could very well be a belief. Be aware of this possibility at all times."
"We each need to allow our own understanding flow to occur at our own pace." She observed. "And in our own way."
"Yes." S-H-E answered, "This flow of wisdom is determined by each individual Soul, their gifts and lessons and is an integral part of their journey here now."
- Kim Dreyer
Artwork from my Visions of the Soul Meditation and Portal Deck.
'How does one stop judging and criticizing oneself?' She asked.
'By loving yourself.' S-H-E answered.
She could sense the strength of unconditional love contained in those simple three words. She contemplated the thoughts - Do I truly love myself? How do I love myself unconditionally? She was aware that she was possibly analyzing this a little more than she should. But she felt this time she needed to, to see if somewhere within, a different thought popped up. And after a lengthy silence, a new realization did surface.
'Loving yourself means accepting yourself as you are, not so? And knowing that you, as a spiritual being are perfect. That I know.' She said, 'But it's the baggage we've taken on that creates barriers, misdirected actions and beliefs over who we truly are. Isn't it? And it's all those things that hide who each of us is in truth. WE are not that stuff we've taken on! But we've identified with it, so we think it's us! Hence we judge ourselves and others!'
S-H-E smiled with great affection. 'Yes, that's right. Judgement and criticism is actually being directed at the stuff, but you see it as being directed at yourself. So you own it. And by owning it, it's more difficult to let it go. If instead, you rather see it as not you but the stuff, perhaps you'd be less hard on yourself and could see the many ways that unconditional love for Self can be expressed. And in so doing, shift and release the stuff and therefore the need for judgement. Your society loves making you feel less and lost. That is how it controls you. But at the end of the day, only you can do that - it's your choice.'
'So if we see the non-beneficial words, thoughts and actions we constantly are in judgement of as 'garments' we've put on that mask our Soul essence, it can only be with love that we release it. For it is Love who we are in essence.'
'Yes', S-H-E replied. 'All the 'stuff' is external which you've internalized. And by internalizing it, you think they are You. All that is not expressed as love within, is not of your Soul. It is from the external world you've created. As you express love within and then without, your world will begin to change.'
'I can see now, that I need to have still more compassion and patience with myself, as one would with a child.' She answered. 'And if I can remember, every moment, my Divinity and know that it radiates unconditional love, I can express and share that love for self and others as we travel on our paths, releasing our baggage, remembering our purpose and awakening to Love, each and every day.'
- © Kim Dreyer - ('Conversations with S-H-E')
Artwork from my Conscious Spirit Deck
'Well that had an unexpected outcome'. she said.
'In what way?' S-H-E asked kindly.
'Well, when it first came up it totally resonated with me, but I eventually realized it brought up some really negative feelings and was not aligned to my path forward.' She replied puzzlingly.
'So you believe that everything that resonates with you is necessarily 'positive'?' S-H-E smiled.
'Yes?' She replied, a little uncertain now.
'Well it is and isn't.' S-H-E answered. 'When something resonates it usually brings up a 'positive' or harmonious feeling within you. However, you still have some limiting belief systems and negative programming, not so? And resonance doesn't only work on what you would perceive as positive frequencies within your body but also on these so called negative frequencies too.'
'Of course!' she exclaimed! 'So resonance works both ways. For those things that are beneficial and non-beneficial in your life.' She gave this new idea some more thought. Careful not to place it in the judgemental mind but rather the wisdom mind.
She smiled, and as the smile widened on her face, S-H-E saw that She had found the understanding herself.
'So even when something resonates with a negative belief or program it's still beneficial as it brings this out into the open and emphasises it, giving us the opportunity to see it as outdated and unnecessary so we can finally release it.'
'Exactly.' S-H-E smiled in return. "Though at the time one may not realize it and it could take some time to discover that it's not resonating for you to take on but to let go. In these cases it's about timing. When you're ready to let it go, it'll resonate.'
'But then doesn't the opposite apply too?' she asked, a new realization popping into her head suddenly. 'What if we get a 'negative' feeling about something. A feeling completely opposite to resonance. Could that be beneficial or is it a warning?'
'It's usually a warning, though it could be either.' S-H-E replied. 'As you trust your intuition, you'll quickly know the difference. A negative feeling about something that you've suppressed or avoided is bringing it up to be transmuted, but you may not be ready to release it. A negative feeling that carries a real sense of danger, but not fear, is something you need to take as a warning. Remember neither ME nor any of your true guides will instil fear within you. If a situation is potentially harmful to you, WE will convey that message through a strong sense of danger, but never fear.'
'Phew!' she exclaimed, 'It can be quite tricky navigating through all this.'
'Not if you constantly develop and trust you intuition.' S-H-E smiled encouragingly. 'The more you trust, the easier it all flows.'
She smiled a deep inner smile....she was trusting herself more and more every day. - Kim Dreyer
Artwork from my Conscious Spirit Oracle Deck.
She's once again staring down that all too familiar shadow. But this time she can feel something else. She doesn't sense the eyes of judge and jury upon her or the shadow.
"It feels different." she exclaims.
"How does it feel?" S-H-E asks.
"It's as if I'm only now truly seeing it in its entirety." she replies
"Can you describe it?" S-H-E encourages.
"It seems to have more form to it. It seems to be shifting. Like a dense cloud indescribably morphing in shape yet staying the same size."
"Can you see with it." S-H-E asks.
She fully trusts her time of deep inner observation with S-H-E, and gives herself over, into the shadow. As she moves through it she is surprised to see that the colour and density is not the same inside as it appears on the outside.
"You're doing well," S-H-E encourages. "Keep going into it."
She finally releases all residues of expectation, preconceived ideas and uncertainty. She simply becomes one with the shadow. It has a comfortable sense of the familiar. She raises her eye brow in query.
"It's been your constant companion throughout your life," S-H-E explains, "It will have a sense of familiarity. Continue....you're almost there."
She allows the shadow to fully engulf her. She sees it's origin. A protective armour, formed many, many lifetimes ago. A valuable aid at the time, and when correctly harnessed, but an overgrown and outgrown companion now. As she gets closer to the center she is surprised to see the form becoming less dense - lighter, brighter.
"There seems to be a light at the center." she exclaims.
S-H-E smiles lovingly. "What do you sense there?"
She takes a deep breath and feels deeply into the core of the shadow. No longer dark or repressive, she senses something light, something beautiful, something of immense importance.
"Feel into it even more." S-H-E encourages.
She gives herself fully over to the light at the core and immediately feels, knows that this light is the gift within the shadow. It's part of the many gifts and talents that make up who she is, what she has to offer in this world. She feels into the light deeper still and is surprised at first and then a deep sense of peace and unconditional love washes over her. S-H-E is waiting at the core. Always there, waiting for this moment of discovery, an awakening.
"Your deepest gifts lie at the core of your shadows", S-H-E explains. "For it is only through the experience of the shadow that the light can be fully embraced and experienced. But you need to witness the shadow in it's entirety, in order to embody the gift within the light."
She smiles at S-H-E with immense love and gratitude, as she witnesses her gift and knows she can finally share it with the world - no fear, no reservations - it's time to shine another aspect of her light into the world. - Kim Dreyer
Artwork from my Angel Inspiration Deck.
'Things feel SO charged', she exclaimed, "One minute I feel empowered, the next minute knocked flat! But the weirdest thing is that on both sides of the scales, I still somehow feel like I'm in the flow?!"
"So you think that's weird?" S-H-E smiled with great compassion.
"Um, yes?!" she replied hesitantly. Knowing now that many of the questions within these dialogs she has with S-H-E were opportunities for her to go deeper for her own answer.
S-H-E gave her ample silent space to allow the question to awaken her own realizations.
She smiled, embarrassedly, "Of course, being in the flow doesn't equate to only ever feeling happy, uplifted and empowered, does it?"
"Definitely not." S-H-E replied. "Think of the butterfly/caterpillar metamorphosis. It most definitely isn't all joy and ease. Yet the process is Nature in it's ultimate dance of life, death and rebirth and most definitely within the flow of Life, of the Cosmos, of Great Spirit."
"Of course! All growth contains within it an end - a death - of what once was. And it's seldom easy. But how does one move through these changes without being completely derailed at times?" she asked.
"Allow!" S-H-E answered quietly. "Don't resist, allow time, rest and most of all be patient with yourself. You hold deep within you generations of beliefs, patterns, habits and hurts, which require great compassion and patience in order to be released. Who you were, even minutes ago, is no longer who you are now! Think about it! It's huge!! Part of you has died and is still dying and the new you is being birthed! Think of the immense affect it's having on your physical, emotional and mental bodies. Allow yourself the time to process the grief, the confusion, the fear even. But feel the joy, elation and wonder too! You need time to resettle into who you've become, who you're becoming. And it's a slow process which will continue to happen as long as you do the work. But within that work MUST be sufficient time for rest."
She looked lovingly at S-H-E. Her eyes welled up with tears. Tears of love, of joy, of pain, of loss - all emotions, all thoughts. "Thank you, she whispered, I've never given myself permission to see my life unfolding that way. I'm too hard on myself, aren't I?"
"You can be. All humans are hard on themselves, and as a result, on others too." She exclaimed with great sympathy and love in her heart. "But times are changing. A new way of Being is being birthed. You are giving birth to a new you. You are, at once, Mother and Child, embodied together in a transformative union and birthing of Self. All Beings awakening at this time are experiencing this. It is truly a miraculous time! Celebrate it, don't fear it."
- Kim Dreyer
Artwork from my Visionary Art Gallery on my website.
"I want to make a meaningful difference in the world." She said.
"Why?" S-H-E asked.
She went quiet for a while and gave this simple, yet deep query some honest thought.
Her mind started going in all directions - "Do I really want to do it for purely altruistic reasons? Or is it my ego, wanting to get in on the act? Do I feel it's the right thing to do? Or does this yearning come from somewhere deeper? Oh, dear, am I thinking too much about this question? Now I'm really confused? I thought I knew…………….maybe I think too much. How will I ever really know the answer?"
She still couldn't answer the question, but now she was ready to go deeper than the mind. Away from the minds chatter and judgement. She closed her eyes as if to switch off her chattering mind. She felt more peaceful, sitting with the question, not searching for the answer to it. The silence continued, but now She felt it's comfort, it's knowing without thinking. And so She relinquished herself deeper still into that space of knowingness. Not asking, or seeking, simply being. And within that space, She found S-H-E, the questioner, and with a gentle, peaceful smile of love and acknowledgement, She understood that She was S-H-E all along.
And the answer didn't matter, nor did the question, for she knew in her heart that She and SHE were never separate and that their path together was one of unveiling, of awakening, of returning to a state of pure love. And that on this path it wasn't the questioning or analyzing that mattered, but the act of trusting in herSELF and opening herSELF up to love so that She may truly feel it, just as S-H-E embodies it, in order to share it. And along that path to love, many lessons awaited. But she was ready, it was time.
And with this inner knowing, S-H-E opened her eyes, and in answer to that simple, single worded question, S-H-E replied with confidence, "Because I AM ready!"
- Kim Dreyer
Artwork from my Conscious Spirit Oracle Deck.
Conversations with S-H-E
Conversations with S-H-E begun early 2018 when S-H-E appeared first in a visionary dream state and then more frequently in meditations and dreams since then. 'Her' name - S-H-E - embodies the essence both SHE and HE; multidimensional states of consciousness between Spirit/Heaven/Earth; Yin-yang and All that is.